Episode 6: Venting in Fartyland

Danger Mouse

Top o the morning folks. In a never ending saga I'm still looking for a job but have some interviews lined up. Last weekend we rented a car and head off to Lake Taupo. On the way there we drove through the Rotarua area which is bless with an abundance of natural sulphur hotsprings some which are close to boiling point. In the same spirit as Irish fairy dust and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, the hot waters are said to be imbued with magical healing powers for those adventurous enough to take a little dip. The downside of these natural warm water wonders is that the sulphur in the water which evaporates into air makes the whole place smell like fart all day long. Hmm I guess ya just have to live with it. I did feel magically healed from feeling ill after leaving the farty airs behind me so I guess the healing properties do work. MAGIC! :D In Taupo we stayed in a fantastic cabin in the Huka Falls Resort where the staff were friendly and very helpful. Huka falls itself is a nearby waterfall which we visited the following day and  where dare daredevil Ronana Banana went on a jetboat which sped up and down the river and up to the rapids a few times giving all the passengers a good soak in the process. Nice! More excitingly for me, being a tech geek, was a ride upon some off-road Segway scooters. These took a little bit of getting used to but after a while I didn't want to get off . WEEEEEEEE! Following this was a game of 18 hole minigolf which I totally kicked Ronan's ass at. The winner had to buy dinner.

Poopy Hotel

Onward bound from my splendid victory to the remote mountain town of Whackapapa where Danger Mouse Ronan and friends once again set off on a half day trek called the Tongerira Crossing. This is a 20 km trek in harsh mountainous terrain and conditions. Needless to say as a well known delicate flower I gave that one a miss (I attended in spirit) and went on several smaller walking trails in the area. We stayed in a Ski hotel in the town. If any of y'all ever happen to or plan to land in this village, I couldn't highly highly highly recommend not staying in this shabby and awful hotel. At a glance the place looks like it was built in the early 70's and hasn't been touched, maintained or updated ever since. What the lonely planet guide describes a homely, I'd describe as something closer in similarity to the scene from the horror movie - The Shining. From the moment of check-in it was all downhill. The lacklustre staff were at all times kurt and unfriendly with unpleasant facial expressions that would likely stop a clock. The also were very unhelpful in general and their customer service overall could be described as nothing less than appalling. The Basil Faulty Guide to customer service was obviously the business ethic from which they worked. The final coffin nail came when they over charged us on checkout for a service that I believe that we were conned into using having been led to believe it was complimentary (a disgusting low low standard breakfast that cost 20 dollars a pop and on technicality was not included as earlier instructed as the ill mannered receptionist rudely argues). What a focking liberty! A terrible place indeed and a disappointment after the lovely place we'd stayed in before. There is another much better hotel quite nearby which we stopped into which although being a little more expensive would definitely be 10 times better than the other less than impressive facility that we had stayed in. Go there if you are ever in the area and exercise your consumer right not to expect good quality and service for your cashola. VOTE WITH YOUR FEET PEOPLE! Now I feel much better after giving then a good online bashing. Take that ya fookers. :D

Well tats all for now. I've more enticing tails to tell up my sleeve but If I tell ya now you'll probably wet yourself with excitement

Ta ta for now Kiddies

Lee

Episode 5: The Book Worm

Hello children. I've been a busy busy bee (busy doing nowt) and have forgotten to update for a while. I'm continuing to look for another job. I've applied for 50 million jobs this far so fingers crossed one of them will pan out, otherwise Ill have to start charging y'all to read my illustrious blog, Rupert Murdock style. In the mean time I've joined Auckland City Library. Its AMAZING! Three stories of reading bliss. It about the same size as Dun Laoghaire Shopping Center and even has books that were not printed in wither the time of the Great Famine (1845-49) or salvaged from the flotsam and jetsam which surfaced from the wreck of the titanic. To put it in perspective, Irish libraries are a third world effort in comparison. They also provide a music library for cd's and sheet music, a magazine library, a video game library and a  dvd rental library where for a fee of $5 (€2.50) you can borrow a dvd for 5 days. Xtra-Vision would be hopping mad on one leg if such a service was available back home. An idea for a bit of competition. I love the library here and it offers free wifi too.

In other events we visited the Royal New Zealand Naval Base and Naval Museum located on the North Shore in Devonport. Its a short ferry ride across the bay to get to this wonderland. (Speaking of which, Ive recently been to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland which I though was thoroughly awful and would give it a generous 4 out of 10 score. Don't go see it) . There is an extinct volcanic mountain on the called Mt Victoria located which I actually managed to scale. I'm a proper mountaineer now folks. Nearby is a the North Head which houses a former secret military base which was hollowed into he mount and houses many 'disappearing' gun which were constructed to stave off a threat of attack and invasion by Japanese forces during the time of the second world war. The base is abandoned and no longer in active military use. The underground structures are open for visitors to wonder around and explore. A most fascinating place indeed although I must admit I though it was a wee bit creepy walking around the dark abandoned tunnels. I got the heebeejeebees. Following on to quick swim in the warm sea (its still 19°C here) it was back for ferry home.

Also we visited the Auckland War Memorial Museum located in a large park sporting park Name Auckland Domain. The park similar to Phoenix Park minus the wild deer and zoo and had several sporting facilities suck as cricket grounds and running paths and is often mentioned in interviews as having been used as training ground for visiting sportsmen and women. The Museum itself is a little odd and I was unsure what to make of it. Firstly there are not exhibits about war as the name  WAR MEMORIAL might suggest. There was one room with artifacts that were around 200 years old although many of the descriptions stated that the date of the items being exhibited were unknown . One room with modern history of school children in NZ (one of these exhibits had a picture of the Spice Girls on the wall to give you an idea of how modern it gets ^_^) and all the other rooms were filled with Maori carvings and necklaces and a Maori long boat and a reconstructed ancestral home. I was a bit disappointed by the museum to be honest as nothing was explained of labeled explaining what historical or ceremonial meaning or context they represented. There is nothing much to be learned there so I don't think I could be enticed into visiting there again. (I've been to much better museums such as the amazing Powerhouse Museum in Sydney, Definitely go there if your in town.)

Well that's all the excitement I think you can handle for now.

Ta Ta for Now

Lee

Episode 4: The Seven Wonders

Hows It! (NZ Slang I'm hearing meaning Howaya? or perhaps Wellll? if your from the country).  There are lots of amazing little things here that have different names than the ones back home. Some are different for places and some are products with the same logo as back home but have totally different names. Here is a list of 7 of these wonders Ive noticed thus far. 

1  - Sure deodorant is called Rexona 

2  - An OffLicence is called a Bottle Shop.

3  - Wilkinson shaving products are called Shick

4 - Pampers disposable diapers seem to be called Treasures 

5 - Heinz tinned food products are call Watties 

6 - The post office is called a Post Shop (with a successful Kiwibank attached unlike the ill fated Irish Post Bank :'( DEVASTATED!)

 and finally my absolute favorite re phrasing which I can across while reading an article recently;

7 - A charity shop is called and op shop. Which is short for opportunity shop. Ooooooweeeee. I think this is a wonderful name which is a much more interesting and whereby everything inside has the potential to be a new opportunity for someone instead of being someone else cast off. An ingenious bit of relabeling PR.

Well there ya have it folks, these are my 7 wonders of New Zealand.  Its a mad mad world and the toilets flush the other way too to boot, just like in the Simpsons. 

Slán Libh 

Lee 

Episode 3: The Times are Changing.

After a long and laborious search we finally found a new place to live. It is an apartment at the top of queen street which is the mainstreet in Auckland city (like a kiwi-grafton street) above a large computer store. Home sweet home for the foreseeable future . The balcony over looks the city and Auckland bay and to the left there is a clear view of Skytower. We visited there just the other day and saw some crazy people jumping off the top of the tower and paying for the pleasure. Are they Mad? I took some pictures of these loonies going for the plunge which I will later photoshop my head into and pretend that I have made the jump. None will be any the wiser. THE CAMERA NEVER LIES or so the common phrase from a bygone era used to regularly proclaim. The weather here is starting to get a little cooler in with daytime temperatures plummeting to a positively chilly 22 degrees. Brrrr however shall I manage? Also in recent days it has rained for the first time since arriving here. Just like being home. The really real Shortland street is just a short stroll away and is situated just off the lower end of queen street. They were filming and explosion scene there the other day for an upcoming action pact story line with all sorts of pyrotechnics and the like.* exciting stuff indeed.

The St Patrick's festival was held here over the weekend a little earlier than the actual day. Lots of Irish people walked the streets and got totally ratarsed to show the kiwis how proud we are of our national day. Not one for the excuse to drink but for the sake of the festival. The self same people will also have to get totally ratarsed again on Wednesday having had a more than successful trial run over the weekend. The official 'dignitary' here at the expense of the taxpayer was well know tax spender Mary Harney who was in town to officially represent Ireland Inc to extol her usual brand of smiling and nodding and hoping for the best. Many over the weekend tried to explain to her the wisdom of an icon of another well know yearly festival about the importance of 'Making a list, and checking it Twice', or perhaps even once, but this it seem to be either beyond her comprehension or else she didn't give a fiddlers as she did her utmost to show the locals how to enjoy Paddies day.

Well that's all the news for now. I'm on the search for a job now. Hopefully I can get one by the end of the week. Perhaps I'll return home and apply for a cabinet ministerial position which are now being vacated like a game of musical chairs ahead of the increasingly likely upcoming general election. Tee hee hee what every will happen next.

Ta ta for now kiddies

Lee

*some dramatisation of actual events may have occurred or have been totally made up 

Episode 2: The House Hunting Game

Settling into life in New Zealand and house hunting like crazy. Arrived safely after a long long long long and boring stopover day in Sydney (theres not alot to do there with the exception of the Powerhouse Museum which is the national science and industry Museum - I'm a geek, I know ). Our temporary abode is an old converted big house named Pentlands. Its not the Ritz however its not half bad either. There is Internet access an some tennis courts at the back too although I've not gone out to try as I haven't played tennis since being laziest kid in Christendom who feigned injury and sudden illness every week on PE day in 3rd class at the ripe old age of 8 to get out of doing any physically exerting activity. (God does love a trier and I tried everything to get out of doing PE.)
This Temporary abode is situated in a village on the out shirts of Auckland City named Mount Eden which could only be described as Auckland's answer to Dalkey, except the pubs are replaced with several book shops, a cake shops, bakeries and even an old style sweet shop (with the sweets stored in glass jars on wall to wall shelves and a bottle shop which is down under for off license (Oooo lala!). A smashing place indeed.
The house hunting is going well but is long and tedious. Luckily my personal assistant seems to be on top of things and seems to know what he's doing. There are a lot crazies around. For example, a mad old lush from the letting agents showed us a place the other day and then puzzled over what properties she had already shown us. Puzzled indeed as she might as we had only met her 12 hours before and she had never shown us any other properties. I think she'd definitely been sniffing the ether and so while she was filling up the rag we hoped out the window and ran off into the sunset to get away (thats her in the pic). Another was a crazy Asian chick who tried to rent us a dog-box for the grand total price of a kidney a month and the souls of our first born children. I told her we'd think about and not to call us, we'd call her. :D and she never heard from us every again.
Well that's all for now. I'm off out to flounce about in the sunny sunny weather and continue the search. Hope y'all are having fun and enjoying the lovely weather a miss y'all lots (where did i put that bottle of crocodile tears)  xx

 Ta ta for now kiddies

Lee.

P.s I have a new NZ phone number if anyone wants it, drop me a line and let me know.

Episode 1:The Beginning. Asian Delight

After 100 years of flights were finally here in the land beside the land downunder. Actual flight time was about 24 hours broken up by some time Frankfurt where we went to Burger King and had some burgers they don't have in Ireland. Most interestingly in Germany a Chicken Royale is called a Chicken Long. Crazy Stuff altogether.

Following this was a etetnal flight to Singapore upon which we were served 2 or possibly delectable meals each of which as as unidentifiable than the last. Singapore was 35 degrees the day we landed. I could have baked a cake in that heat if only I had all the ingredients to make a cake. I suppose I could have baked some really small miraunges. Yum yum they wouldnt have gone a miss. on a side note Singapore is probably the cleanest city to be seen anywhere, We stayed in Chinatown and went to several other places such as to the Singapore Museum which was utterly uncommentable and decidedly lacking in many museum things like artifacts and such. Had more fun in Funan IT centre and Sim-Lin Square which are huge electrical good outlets. 6 story shopping malls with nothing but google android phones (alas I didn't get one) and Nintendo DSi consoles at knockdown bargain and open to barter prices. This was more exciting for an enternal Geeko (see cyburnian.net)

on the last of the three days myself and sidekick went to a Buddhist temple which was 2minutes from the hotel we were staying in (The Scarlet). Exiting from the back of the temple was a Chinese market where we carried out some real hard bartering for some new hand luggage carry on cases as my sidekick had gone well over his check in weight restriction by about 8 kilos. The silly boy. So with 8 and a bit Kilos of hand luggage in tow it was off to the to the airport to leave Asia and high tale it onward  to Oceania.

More to come. Stay Tuned Kiddies