Episode 6: Venting in Fartyland

Danger Mouse

Top o the morning folks. In a never ending saga I'm still looking for a job but have some interviews lined up. Last weekend we rented a car and head off to Lake Taupo. On the way there we drove through the Rotarua area which is bless with an abundance of natural sulphur hotsprings some which are close to boiling point. In the same spirit as Irish fairy dust and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, the hot waters are said to be imbued with magical healing powers for those adventurous enough to take a little dip. The downside of these natural warm water wonders is that the sulphur in the water which evaporates into air makes the whole place smell like fart all day long. Hmm I guess ya just have to live with it. I did feel magically healed from feeling ill after leaving the farty airs behind me so I guess the healing properties do work. MAGIC! :D In Taupo we stayed in a fantastic cabin in the Huka Falls Resort where the staff were friendly and very helpful. Huka falls itself is a nearby waterfall which we visited the following day and  where dare daredevil Ronana Banana went on a jetboat which sped up and down the river and up to the rapids a few times giving all the passengers a good soak in the process. Nice! More excitingly for me, being a tech geek, was a ride upon some off-road Segway scooters. These took a little bit of getting used to but after a while I didn't want to get off . WEEEEEEEE! Following this was a game of 18 hole minigolf which I totally kicked Ronan's ass at. The winner had to buy dinner.

Poopy Hotel

Onward bound from my splendid victory to the remote mountain town of Whackapapa where Danger Mouse Ronan and friends once again set off on a half day trek called the Tongerira Crossing. This is a 20 km trek in harsh mountainous terrain and conditions. Needless to say as a well known delicate flower I gave that one a miss (I attended in spirit) and went on several smaller walking trails in the area. We stayed in a Ski hotel in the town. If any of y'all ever happen to or plan to land in this village, I couldn't highly highly highly recommend not staying in this shabby and awful hotel. At a glance the place looks like it was built in the early 70's and hasn't been touched, maintained or updated ever since. What the lonely planet guide describes a homely, I'd describe as something closer in similarity to the scene from the horror movie - The Shining. From the moment of check-in it was all downhill. The lacklustre staff were at all times kurt and unfriendly with unpleasant facial expressions that would likely stop a clock. The also were very unhelpful in general and their customer service overall could be described as nothing less than appalling. The Basil Faulty Guide to customer service was obviously the business ethic from which they worked. The final coffin nail came when they over charged us on checkout for a service that I believe that we were conned into using having been led to believe it was complimentary (a disgusting low low standard breakfast that cost 20 dollars a pop and on technicality was not included as earlier instructed as the ill mannered receptionist rudely argues). What a focking liberty! A terrible place indeed and a disappointment after the lovely place we'd stayed in before. There is another much better hotel quite nearby which we stopped into which although being a little more expensive would definitely be 10 times better than the other less than impressive facility that we had stayed in. Go there if you are ever in the area and exercise your consumer right not to expect good quality and service for your cashola. VOTE WITH YOUR FEET PEOPLE! Now I feel much better after giving then a good online bashing. Take that ya fookers. :D

Well tats all for now. I've more enticing tails to tell up my sleeve but If I tell ya now you'll probably wet yourself with excitement

Ta ta for now Kiddies

Lee

Episode 4: The Seven Wonders

Hows It! (NZ Slang I'm hearing meaning Howaya? or perhaps Wellll? if your from the country).  There are lots of amazing little things here that have different names than the ones back home. Some are different for places and some are products with the same logo as back home but have totally different names. Here is a list of 7 of these wonders Ive noticed thus far. 

1  - Sure deodorant is called Rexona 

2  - An OffLicence is called a Bottle Shop.

3  - Wilkinson shaving products are called Shick

4 - Pampers disposable diapers seem to be called Treasures 

5 - Heinz tinned food products are call Watties 

6 - The post office is called a Post Shop (with a successful Kiwibank attached unlike the ill fated Irish Post Bank :'( DEVASTATED!)

 and finally my absolute favorite re phrasing which I can across while reading an article recently;

7 - A charity shop is called and op shop. Which is short for opportunity shop. Ooooooweeeee. I think this is a wonderful name which is a much more interesting and whereby everything inside has the potential to be a new opportunity for someone instead of being someone else cast off. An ingenious bit of relabeling PR.

Well there ya have it folks, these are my 7 wonders of New Zealand.  Its a mad mad world and the toilets flush the other way too to boot, just like in the Simpsons. 

Slán Libh 

Lee